He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
