So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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