People in love make me want to vomit
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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