kristin has been a bad kristin
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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