Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
