hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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