I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
