I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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