they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
