Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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