Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
