apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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