i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
high people should be assigned attendants
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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