this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
