go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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