Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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