did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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