Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have aggressive nipples.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
