Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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