OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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