Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
