mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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