I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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