I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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