Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
