I heard we made out
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
