The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need moral support for this bender
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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