He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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