Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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