So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
