dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
