we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
