So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
