just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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