bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
