I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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