how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
