Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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