i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
