I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
