I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
