I'm going to jail i love you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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