so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
