She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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