i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
