Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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