I wish my penis had an off switch
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
