dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
