The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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