He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
