I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize