I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
