we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
