Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
