What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize