Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do vagina's smell?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The uberlube is also flammable
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
