I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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