My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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