dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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