no, he came in my armpit
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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