Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
