sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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