Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
